


The absence of a necessity

by The_silent_smile



Series: Thomas and his brain demons (Sanders Sides) [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Dark Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Deceit Sanders Angst, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Good Deceit Sanders, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt, Hurt Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Insanity, Mental Breakdown, Protective Deceit Sanders, References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sobbing, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Temporary Character Death, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 16:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_silent_smile/pseuds/The_silent_smile
Summary: When Thomas stops lying altogether, Deceit and the other dark sides are quick to notice the effects.But it’s only made clear what kind of effect it truly has when it’s already too late…-or-Deceit disappears and the dark sides all grief in different ways. None of them able to accept that he's really gone
Series: Thomas and his brain demons (Sanders Sides) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1618735
Comments: 38
Kudos: 363





	The absence of a necessity

**Author's Note:**

> Character in this story: Deceit, Remus, Depression, Wrath, Apathy, Thomas, Roman, Logan, Patton & Virgil(only mentioned)
> 
> Be mindful of the tags people and I hope you all enjoy.
> 
> This is based on a post by @quietrainfan on Tumblr

The decision on the matter had been made without Deceit present and so he hadn’t been made aware of it until Remus stopped by his room two days later to catch up and get away from the others a bit.

They had sat and drunk tea. Deceit waving his hand to summon them some sweets as he found that he came up emptyhanded. He tried again. Nothing. And again. Nothing.

Once he started waving his hand around for the fifth time his friend caught on and caught his wrist. Stopping him from trying again.  
“Maybe you’re just tired, Dee. Don’t worry I’ll do it.”

A single snap and the table was piled with baked goods and sweets. And as Remus quickly grabbed hold of a creme-filled doughnut, Deceit stared at his hands. Wondering what was going on.

-

That same evening Remus came to his door for the second time that day. Unusual in and on itself. But the fact that he had Wrath with him really took the cake.

“What do I own the pleasure to?” Deceit said. curiosity peaking as he saw Wrath huff in anger. Fists bawling. Something was wrong. They had worked on his temper and it had been weeks since he had become properly mad. He looked like he was fuming.

So Deceit asked again. Wrath wouldn’t dare lie. Knowing full well Deceit would be able to sense it if he did.

So he told he truth; “Thomas and Patton made a deal for Thomas to not lie anymore.”

Ah. That explains his powers stuttering earlier that day.

“Hmm. Not surprising,” he started. Voice calm and even. Watching how the calming tone had an immediate effect on the other. “Seeing as Patton seems to believe that Thomas is automatically a bad person if Thomas isn’t perfect in every way shape or form.  
It’s impressive that he’s managed to keep that promise for long enough for me to see the effects but I doubt this little deal will last. He’s only human after all.”

Wrath looked at him doubtfully. While Remus simply looks worried.  
“What if he does keep the promise though Dee? What happens to a side when their functions don’t exist anymore?”

Deceit waved his worries away hurriedly. Explaining that nothing would happen to him. He was a base function in every human.  
Though the little seed of worry that Remus’ remark had planted sprouted and steadily grew into a little plant in the hours he spends alone in his room after that interaction. Failing to get to sleep.

-

Deceit spends a lot of his time helping and accompanying the other ‘dark sides’ (He despised the term Roman had come up with but they had decided to make it their own.) Whether it is sitting next to them while they rambled. Reading and lazily running his fingers through their hair as they lay in his lap or making them dinner; Deceit was always there for them. Even Depression had warmed up to him after a while. Hanging around Apathy a lot. Finding his dismissive attitude comforting. They often sat in the living room, talking about nothing in particular or the most pressing questions one could have into the early morning.

Yes, Deceit was always there for them.  
Up until the day he wasn’t.

-

Depression had meant to go and knock on Deceit’s door. Informing him that they had made cookies and offering him to come and have some.

The snake had been awfully patient with him lately. Wintertime was always harder for the depressive side to deal with. The downward spiral a lot of people went through was twice as hard for the aspect representing said downwards spiral.  
He’d hidden away in his room for half a day when Deceit had come knocking.

He’d prodded him out of the bed with a mixture of gentle encouragement and mockery, making him just spiteful enough to get up to show Deceit that ‘yes I can stand up what about it?’

They’d sat on the floor and eaten the noodles the lying trait had summoned. Not talking. Simply sitting in each others company.  
It had helped, though depression had still not quite figured out how. Once he started to loosen up a bit Deceit had gotten up. Asking him very casually to come with him to the imagination to help out with a task that he totally needed help with.

At the end of the day, Depression had laughed so hard his stomach had started hurting and they had eaten strawberries in the flowerbeds.  
The sad feeling wasn’t completely gone of course. It never really was.  
But Deceit had made it bearable. And that’s more than he could ask for.

So here Depression was. Walking down the hall and stopping in front of Deceit’s door.  
That is, he would have.

If the door had been there.

He stared at the blank wall. And then looked further down the hall. Up until he had reached the end of it.

Deceit’s door had disappeared.

-

It had been one week after Thomas had made the deal with Patton when Deceit found he couldn’t leave his room anymore due to the very simple fact of there no longer being a door.

His powers had become too weak for him to be able to sink down, he had been using the doors and hallways of the mindscape as an alternative for a good three days now.

And now he couldn’t leave.

He ran to his desk and picked up his phone. Texting Wrath to ask him to come to get him from his room. Trying to stop his hands from shaking as he stared down at the clawed fingers. The small trail of scales peeking out from under the sweater he was wearing as he waited for Remus to text him back.

The phone vibrated as a video call came in. Deceit accepting it quickly. Almost crying out in relief as he saw the faces of Remus and Wrath. Pressed together to both fit into the screen.

“Hey Double D’s! So uh. Did you relocate your room again cuz I can’t fucking find it, man? Depression almost had a breakdown over it when he came to bring you cookies just now.”

Ah. So the door to get in was gone too.

“I - Well I actually magicked my room away into the imagination!” He lied through his teeth. Flashing his sweetest and fakest of grins.  
Normally, his good friend wouldn’t have bought into the lie so easily. But the camera was pixelated and his voice came through with a weird echo. A perfect combination for when one wanted to start lying.

After all. His family shouldn’t worry just because of something so small. It would all sort itself out soon, he was sure of it.

“I thought I’d take a little vacation! I asked you to look for my room to see if the door was gone on your side as well but I can see that it is so no worries! “  
“Okay… Is it… can we call you every now and again while you’re there? For Uhm…Just to see how you’re doing. You know how fidgety dee gets when you’re gone for too long. Even Apathy gets antsy ya know.”

Deceit’s smile softened when he heard said side shout a ‘No I don’t motherfucker!’ Ah, what a bunch of idiots. He’d die for them in an instance.

“That’s alright Remus. Tell Depression I’m doing alright okay? Oh and that I said hi. See you soon!”

And the call ended.  
Deceit sat back down on his bed slowly. Looking down at his hands and concentrating. Imagining the simple object he wanted to summon. A pen. A simple pen was all he wanted.

Nothing.

Maybe this whole not lying thing was more serious than he had first thought.

-

‘Calling every now and then’ turned out to mean at least two times a day.

Remus wasn’t able to shake the feeling that something was wrong.  
And, as it calmed down both Wrath and Depression, he didn’t mind.

Deceit wasn’t complaining either. He loved seeing the four of them all piled on the couch or floor or wherever they were to talk to him. Asking how he was. When he was coming back. If he had gone ice-skating in the colder part of the imagination yet. Something was wrong. But Remus knew Deceit would rather be shot in the foot than admit that particular fact. Though he saw through him.

The lying trait enjoyed their talks. Always sat on his bed or at the kitchen table in his room when they called. The familiarity of it working as a comfort to all of them.

In the second week of his ‘vacation’, they only saw him in bed. Not even walking around or getting up to get water or go to the bathroom even if they called for hours.

Even Apathy had gotten worried now. Very subtly asking him when he was returning as depression sat a bit further back. shifting nervously as they listened to Deceit’s story about what happened in the woods that day.

He’d told the same story three days in a row now. They knew he was lying. Wrath clenched his jaw every time Deceit answered their call and looked more tired and beat down than on their last one.

Whatever was happening to him was getting worse and he was too stubborn to admit it.

But surely. If Deceit wasn’t telling them it couldn’t be that bad. Could it?

-

It was, in fact, that bad.

He decided to tell them the truth about what was going on when they hit one month of him not being able to leave his room.

The connection had started to become worse and worse with each call and he feared he might not be able to call them very soon, so he wanted to do this now.

“Hey, dee!” “Hey bro.” “Hi.” “Hello.” came the greetings from the others.

Deceit smiled. Gathering what little energy he had to will himself to speak. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth as if he’d been heavily sedated.

“Hello, you four. I want’d t’tell you sometin. ‘m not on vacation.”  
He hated how his speech was slurred. He really was losing all his energy. God this sucked.

“Okay… Came Apathy’s response. He sounded unsure.  
They had known something was up. That Deceit was certain of.  
The barely-there and yet worryingly present scared undertone in that single word made a shiver run down Deceit’s spine. They weren’t supposed to be scared. Not for his wellbeing, not for anyone. He wanted them to be happy and smile and laugh whenever they could.

“Where are you then? I’m assuming you’re not in the imagination either then?”

Deceit nodded; Pulling a face at how it made his head spin.  
“v’been in my room. No doors so m not getting out. Thom’s isn’t lying n’ more so ‘mnot needed.” He slurred. Hands moving around. A pathetic copy of his usually exaggerated movements.

He was losing energy fast. This talk wouldn’t last very long.

“I’m… I’m sure Thomas will lie again soon. It’s hard for humans to not lie at all right? Y- you’ll be back in no- time right? right dee?”  
But Deceit had run out of energy. Head lolling to the side. His bowler hat tumbling off and revealing slightly greasy, uncombed hair.

“’s gonna be fine. Your’ll gon’ be fine… I love you all…”

He pressed the button to end the call. Cutting of the four sides that were about to respond and letting his phone fall out of his hand.

It fell to the floor. The screen cracking with a loud noise.

Deceit hadn’t heard it anymore. Having fallen unconscious mere moments after feeling it slip out of his grasp.

-

The aftermath of the phonecall was messy.

Wrath, who had been holding the phone had stared at it for several long seconds before letting out a frustrated scream and throwing it against the wall where it smacked against it and slid down with a thud.

The noise had startled Depression out of his staring contest with the empty space in front of him. Looking at the smashed phone with dull eyes before walking out. As soon as he closed the door behind him they could hear the soft sniffs turning into full-on sobs as he ran to his room.

Apathy had slowly sat down on the couch again. Holding the book he had been reading - a copy of moby dick. The scribbled note on the first page showcasing that it had been a gift from Deceit- close to his chest as he stared into nothingness.

Remus was laughing. He wasn’t sure why. There was nothing that could be considered funny in this case. Nothing that could be even mildly amusing. And still, he was laughing.  
A few moments after he’d willed himself to stop he realised why. As tears started falling as soon as his body had stopped pushing out laughter.

“He isn’t gone.” He mumbled. Wrath flinching at the voice and growled at him before going to the kitchen, shoving a plate, that was sitting on the counter innocently, of it to watch it smash to bits on the floor.

“He’s fine he’s not gone. He’ll come back he’s fine he’s not gone he’s not gone he’snotgonenotgonenotgonenot-”

The halls of their wing of the mind palace were quiet that night. The only noise disturbing the silence where the quiet wails coming from Depression’s room and the occasional shout from Remus’. The Duke startling awake due to another nightmare.

-

You only realise you love someone when they’re gone.

That statement was bullshit to Wrath. They had realised just fine when Deceit had still been there with them.

They’d tried to call him without getting a response for three days in a row now.

Apathy kept trying. Wrath knew that he was gone already. He could feel it.  
It pissed him off to no end.

Deceit had taught him to deal with the anger. How to release the tension in a non-violent way. How to fit in with their bunch of misfits and how to build himself a home in the mids of them, How to feel like a part of their little family.

But Deceit was dead so fuck that.

He’d smashed most of their mugs; the distant and more recent memories of Dee, sitting at their kitchen counter with one of the mugs in hand. Reading whatever it was that he’d been reading that time, was offending to him.

Deceit was gone. He didn’t need reminders of all of those good times because they were tainted now. Twisted into something horrible. Something sad.

When two months without his friend had passed Wrath had gone to Thomas. Waving away his surprise and disgust in favour of asking him, rather rudely, to lie.

“Just fucking lie. Say the sky is purple for all I care. You’re not taking my friend away from me”  
“And why would I listen to a dark side huh? You probably have some evil scheme involving me lying. So the answer is no. No, I won’t.”

Wrath could practically feel Patton his eyes burning into the back of his neck but he didn’t care.  
He took a deep breath. Trying to remember everything Deceit had taught him about calming his temper before he started again. Properly begging now.

“Thomas please. I need you to lie. I’ll make sure I won’t bother you after this. None of us will. We’ll stay inside the mind palace from now on just please lie for me just once. Even a little one is fine I just-” He faltered, angrily scoffing at the tears that had gathered in the corners of his eyes.  
“-I… We need him back. He’s our friend he- he keeps us in check Thomas please I-”

“NO! I won’t do it stop asking! Lying is bad!”

When Apathy walked into the kitchen later that day he would find every mug, every plate every glass cup smashed to pieces on the tiled floor. Wrath sitting on the counter, slowly rotating a cracked mug between his fingers.

“They were all tainted.” Wrath said quietly without looking up from the mug.  
“All of them stained with his memories.”

-

Apathy hadn’t spoken a single word since their last successful phonecall with their friend. Simply sitting on the couch in their living room at first. Moving to his own room shortly after Wrath had destroyed all their mugs and plates.

He was rather fond of reading. Had found it calming. For that reason and that reason alone, was the only place in his room that he cared for and actually kept clean the bookshelf

It took up the entire right wall of his room. Filled to the brink with books, spanning from adventure to poetry. From horror to biographies he had them all. Logan would turn green with envy if he were to see the impressive collection.

In the following weeks though, more than half of the bookshelf began collecting dust. Books falling off the shelf when he accidentally bumped against it were left laying on top of the mountains of unfolded clothing and empty water bottles which their owner cared too little to clean up.

Only about a third of the books were kept neat and dustfree. Divided into their own little section in the bookcase sat all the books Deceit had given him. Books on fantasy and the art of deception. On philosophers and rangers running through the woods to save the day.

Apathy re-read all of them in the weeks to follow that final phone call. Only getting up from where had sat down to get the occasional bit of food. Not speaking. Not looking at the others when they tried to get his attention. Simply reading the words. Fingers shakily running over the little notes Deceit had left on the first page of every book.

All of them were unique in their own right. Sometimes it told him that it would be alright. The note reminding him of Deceit handing him the book when he was feeling down in an attempt to cheer him up.

Sometimes they said happy birthday or merry Christmas.

Sometimes there was a pun based on the content scribbled there which he would only understand once he had read it.

Sometimes it was a quick ‘I’m here for you.’

The problem with that last one was though, that he wasn’t.

Deceit wasn’t here for him. Wasn’t here at all and Apathy didn’t want to care. He shouldn’t really. It was in the job description after all.  
But he did.  
And it hurt.  
And when he was done with the last book he started over again.  
And he hadn’t talked in nearly four months now.  
And the hurt hadn’t stopped.  
And in most of the books, the first page was stained with silent tears. Sometimes smudging the words that were written there.

When the four-month mark rolled around and he opened one of the books to see that he wasn’t able to see the little smiley-face Deceit had scribbled under the note due to the teardrops that had fallen on it, Apathy snapped the book shut and sunk down.

Thomas let out a scream when the dark side popped up. Book still held pressed against his chest and hair uncombed and greasy.

“T-homas”  
His voice sounded like he’d swallowed an entire bag of sand. Croaky and dry and his throat burned with each syllable he pushed out.

But he kept going.  
This was the only thing he truly cared for and damn him if he gave up now.

“Lie.”  
“Who are you?!”  
“Apathy, nice to meet you. Now tell a lie.”  
“Tell a- you’re here because of that as well? Well, I told the other one-”  
“Wrath.”  
“-Yes. I told Wrath that I won’t already. Lying is wrong. I’m not a bad person therefore I will not lie.”

Apathy pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. Jesus Christ Patton had really burned it into their host’s brain huh?

“Just say you like carrots or some shit like that I don’t care. It won’t make you a bad person but taking away our friend would. Now do us all a favour and just tell a fucking lie!”

His volume had risen as he ended his rant. He was nearly shouting now and it had an effect. Thomas took a step back. Eyes widened and hands slightly rising up in a weak effort to protect himself.

Now Apathy wouldn’t hurt him. That would just be plain stupid. Thomas was their creator after all and they all wanted what was best for him.  
But Thomas didn’t know that.  
And neither did Roman when he popped in, sword drawn, to ensure the safety of their host.

Apathy scoffed at him and rolled his eyes as the prince stepped in front of Thomas. Actively shielding him from the ‘dark side’.

“Get out of here you foul fiend of I will attack.”  
“Come on then. I’m not leaving until I get my friend back.”

He returned to his room completely unharmed. Though cradling a torn-up book as tears streamed down his face. The cover was torn off, some pages completely missing and, worst of all, the note on the first page was ripped in half and crumpled up until the point of attempting to read it becoming impossible.

Apathy didn’t leave his room at all after that. The other’s not hearing a peep and just having to assume that he was still alive in there. Reading those books over and over again. Fingers brushing over the notes that slowly became unreadable. Too worn and too stained to be deciphered.

-

Depression, much like Apathy, had barely left his room since their final phone call had ended. The only times when he did leave the little safe haven he had made for himself happened when Remus was able to coax him out of it to come and eat dinner with him.

Remus had been halfheartedly trying to take over the caring role in their little group of misfits. Though the attempts had lessened more and more until, after they hit month 5, they had completely seized to exist. Leaving depression to his own devices. Stowed away in his room.

The others had grown used to the sobs that echoed through the hallways nearly every night as he cried and cried until he ran out of tears or passed out from exhaustion. Clinging onto the capelet Deceit had once given him under the pretends of it being old and him needing to get a new one anyway.

It had quickly become a comfort blanket for him and he’d suspected that this had been what Deceit had intended though he hadn’t brought it up. Simply happy that his friend had given it to him.

Because that’s what they were. Friends.  
It had taken Depression a long time to come to terms with believing them to actually be friends. But Deceit had helped. He’d stayed with him when he couldn’t get out of bed because the world was too much and he felt too small. And he’d sat with him on the kitchen counter at 3 in the morning when Depression had told him that he couldn’t feel. And he’d made him breakfast at 2 in the afternoon because everything felt fake and he couldn’t seem to get himself back into his body.

And he’d realised that he had friends (four of them, to be exact) when Virgil had left them and they had all sat on the couch and cried.  
And he’d realised he had a family when Deceit had come into his room holding a collar with the Scooby-Doo logo on it and Virgil’s old jacket because he knew that it was hard to move on and that familiarity, though it hurt, would help. And Deceit had told him that, even though it was his job description, that he would not lie to him when Depression had asked if it really was the original jacket or if Deceit was simply saying that to make it have meaning.

And he realised that now that was all gone.

Because Deceit was gone and their family was falling apart with him.

And all he could do was cry, holding the caplet close as he stared at his ceiling at 3 am. Wondering why Deceit wasn’t there to invite him to come to sit on the kitchen counter. Knuckles turning white around the smooth fabric of the caplet as he held it even tighter.

The ripping of one of the seams in the said fabric when they neared the 6-month mark was what had made him leave his room. Tear tracks carved into his cheeks. Nose running and red. Eyes puffy and caplet wrapped around his shoulders like a trauma blanket as he rose up.

Thomas had the decency to look concerned when he saw the state this unknown side was in. Though the outstretched hand fell to his side again when he spotted the caplet and realised why this new part of him was even here.

“Give him back to us.”  
“I’m not going to start lying again. I’m sorry but I can’t. I’m not a ba-”  
“Give. Him. Back.”

This time, though Thomas looked taken aback, Roman didn’t pop up to save the day. Instead, the man seemed to steel himself. Straightening his back and looking directly at the side in front of him. Trying to make eye contact. Something Depression was trying to avoid doing at all costs.

“I want my family back Thomas. Just one lie. We will stop bothering you after this just-”  
“One of the others said the same. I’m sorry but I can’t do that. Maybe you should just try to move on.”

And that hurt. Depression stared at him, looking into his eyes for the first time and Thomas found he suddenly knew exactly how much it hurt.

It only lasted a couple of seconds before the side sunk down again. Leaving Thomas with tears in his eyes and a baffled expression painted onto his face.

Depression passed Remus in the hallway on his way back to his room. Looking at his friend with dull grey eyes. Expression empty. Feeling like his body didn’t quite belong to him.

“He said we should move on,” he repeated the words of their host dully as he walked passed Remus. Entering his room and staring at his bed from the entryway. He wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.

The door fell shut behind him with a loud click.

-

Remus stood in the hallway on the spot Depression had left him. Half-empty cookie-jar in hand. Hand partly inside of it.

Slowly. After having stared at the now-closed door for several long seconds, he began moving towards the living room again. humming softly to himself as he put one of the cookies in his mouth. Scratching at the back of his neck as he looked around the mess of a living room.

Remus was…not doing too well. After he and Roman had split it had become harder and harder for him to keep the insanity from creeping into his mind. Clouding his judgment.

He didn’t mean to be destructive. He wanted to be kind and caring for his friends. Wanted to have fun and make breakfast.  
But acting normal became abnormal on some days. And being violent and cruel no longer seemed like a bad idea when he was in that state.

Deceit had helped him control it. They had found a way for him to express himself without the insanity taking hold of his actions.  
He’d learned to reach out sooner rather than when he was just on the brink.  
Had learned that being vulnerable isn’t bad when with the right people.  
Learned that his family will always try and get him off that brink.

They had become close friends quickly after Deceit had agreed to Remus living with him in the other wing of the mind-palace. Late-night talks about philosophy and if it’s morally right to like rubber ducks if one were afraid of the real ones.  
Marathons of shows neither of them likes as much as they were making the other belief and movies that they both liked a whole lot but tried to be cool about.

Late-night sleepovers when Remus had that one nightmare about being torn in half and feeling the emptiness all around him.  
Late-night cuddles in the coldest of winter nights when ice formed on Deceit’s lips and his eyelashes had frost on them because Deceit was cold-blooded and none of them had the power to summon a heater or make fire appear back then so they made due.

Deceit was his brother (maybe even more so than Roman these days) and they kept each other in check. Bickering like children over the smallest things but able to sit and have a friendly conversation at the end of the day still.  
And Deceit wouldn’t be caught dead admitting to it but Remus knew that he saw them as best friends. Because Remus did too.

Because Remus was the only one allowed to see Deceit when he felt down.  
Allowed to know about his flaws and shortcomings.  
Remus was the one that helped Deceit overcome the lies he told himself.  
The one that got to comfort him when he cried because sometimes, being the strong one, the one everybody could count on, was too heavy of a weight to bear.  
Remus was the one who was with him when he had a breakdown because his scales were spreading and ‘what if they reach my face, Remus? What if I turn into a monster?’  
Remus was the one comforting him when the first few appeared on his cheek.  
“It suits you dee. You’ll look badass with them there.”

Remus was the one who, now that his primary support system was gone, was slowly going insane.

His nightmares had started up again.

They’d been gone for nearly a year now and here they were.  
At first, it was simply the old once: The split. The others rejecting him. Blaming him.  
But then they changed.

And suddenly he saw Deceit fade away. Trying to run to him but never quite catching up. Every night it replayed a handful of times. Each time showing a different way as to how his friend would disappear.

They got worse as time went by and soon he had to watch as Deceit died in the most gruesome and horrific ways. Each time just too late to come to his aid. Each time left to cradle his now still body in his arms.

As sleep was now a feared experience he simply didn’t do it anymore. In turn, speeding up the process of his insanity creeping into his mind. Into his stare.

He hummed and sung all day long. This was only unusual due to the fact of the current situation not at all being a cheerful one.  
He walked around in his underwear most of the time. Simply sitting on the couch and eating whatever was closest. This included some fruits, part of a throw pillow and some pizza that he had forgotten to put in the refrigerator from two weeks ago.

He wasn’t happy. It was hard to feel even the smallest amount of joy these days and this irritated him further. No, he wasn’t happy. Wasn’t sure if he’d ever feel happy again. But he didn’t give up on his friends.

Not for the first four months at least.

After that, it became…more difficult to listen to them when all he could think of was what would happen if he were to actually stab them in the foot. Would the scream? Cry? Yell at him?  
The intrusive thoughts that usually were low humming background noise in the back of his mind had begun clouding his judgement. Now prominent and shouting and waving instead of the low-volume mumble they usually represented. Always there. Never turned off or decreasing in volume.

He’d cut the eyes out of all of his posters because he felt like they were watching him. He stood in front of the mirror just staring at himself for over two hours. Contemplating whether or not he should cut a smile into his face so he could show everybody how well he was doing before coming to the conclusion that it would simply be a ripoff of Heath Ledger’s Joker and that wouldn’t stand.

He cut the ears off of all his stuffed animals so they wouldn’t hear him scream anymore. He shaved all his hair off and then magicked it back on three times in a row.

Remus was taken by his insanity for the first time in years, singing loudly at the top of his lungs as he threw the clothes stored away in his closet on his bed to burn them later. Wanting to see if any of the colourings would colour the flame too.  
And suddenly something fell on the floor with the rest of the stuff he’d pulled down with it.

A small grey octopus plushy. The insides of the tentacles and the spots on various places of its body a swampy green colour. It was obvious that the thing had been through a lot; Various stitches, the difference in technique and colour of the thread showing that they were all done on separate times. In separate years even. One of its eyes had fallen off some 5 years ago and they hadn’t bothered to replace it. Remus deciding that a big stitched cross was a cool replacement for the eye that was lost.

The plushy had been given to him by Deceit on his first birthday as an individual.

God they’d known each other for so long.

And slowly, Remus began to feel his strength returning. Mentally pushing away most of the insanity and willing away the crazy in his eyes before he sunk down. Not caring about the tears in his eyes. Not caring about the fact that he was only wearing boxers and a big sleep shirt.  
Not caring when he noticed he’d summoned his mace to lean on because he felt like he might double over with how much his heart was hurting.

Not caring that, as soon as he popped up and Thomas let out a scream, Logan popped up aswell. Fire in his eyes as he tried to force Remus back down with just his stare.

But not this time. He had popped up because he wanted his friend back and wasn’t leaving until Deceit was here and giving him one of his six-armed, bone-crushing hugs like he was supposed to do when Remus felt down.

“I want my friend back Thomathy.”  
“Remus. Sink down again you’re clearly in a state.”  
“Shut it walking Wikipedia, I know I’m batshit crazy right now but I don’t care. Give me-” He looked at Thomas again. Now leaning forward on the mace. “my friend back.”

“What is he even talking about Thomas?”  
“Well… Patton and I-”  
“They killed Deceit!”  
“We didn’t! I just… stopped lying.”  
“And with that, you killed my best friend. Now. You best start lying Sanders or we’ll find out just how much impact a side can have on you.”  
“Do not threaten Thomas or I will be forced to take action.”  
“But- buT HE KILLED HIM LOGAN. HE KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!”  
“And we’re going to bring him back Remus.”  
“No, we’re not.”

Both Remus and Logan whipped around. Both staring at Thomas in silence. Waiting for him to continue.  
Logan had one eyebrow raised.  
Remus was shaking with repressed tears. Repressed anger. Repressed grief. The tentacles that he usually kept hidden slowly extended from his back.

“I’m not going to start lying again, Logan. It’s not right.”  
“It is not wrong to lie. Nobody is always ho-” “But I want to be!”  
“You can’t. It’s not healthy and some would argue not morally right either. Must I remind you of the dilemma we went over where somebody asks for your friend whereabouts to-” “Shut up!”

Remus hadn’t meant to yell. But now that he had he felt as if it had been the right thing. He was standing up straight now. Mace firmly placed on the ground in front of him. Eight long, inky black tentacles extending from between his shoulder blades. Eyes glowing green.

He’d stood on the edge again.  
And this time he had fallen over it.

“Tell a lie, Thomas. Final warning.”  
“Remus I don’t think this-”  
“This isn’t about you Logan. I am not losing my best friend. Not again.”  
“Remus calm down. This isn’t solving anything.”  
“I don’t care anymore. I just waNT MY FRIEND BACK!”

He was screaming now. Voice thick with emotion and something else. Something foul and evil that pushed its way out from deep within him.  
He was crying too. Finally. The tears were endlessly falling. No sign of stopping any time soon after being forced down for such a long time.

“I’m not doing it. Lying is wrong!”  
“Thomas. It really is in your best interest if you-”  
“I’m not doing it! We don’t need him anyway!”

-

His eyes snapped open. Shooting up from where he was laying in his bed. He hadn’t remembered closing them.

-

“I don’t need him!”

-

He couldn’t remember laying down. Couldn’t remember going to sleep or waking up or where he had been for the last 8 months.

-

“He doesn’t help me!”

-

All he knew was that he could feel his body again and that he could move a bit.

-

“We’re better of without him!”

-

And that somebody was lying.

-

Remus his whole being seemed to vibrate with hurt, anger, loss. All of it barely contained beneath the surface. Only a single spark needed to set off the bomb.

And it was about to explode. The fuse had almost reached the gunpowder. The sparks seconds away from blowing him up and taking them all down with him.

And then somebody threw water over the fuse.

Because there stood Deceit. Skin pale and eyes hollow. Hat missing and caplet ruffled beyond repair. No gloves and sleeves rolled up showing off his scales. Leaning on the wall behind him.

But there stood Deceit.

And Remus wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry when the tired eyes focused on him and the smallest and most broken of smiles twitched at the snakes’ lips.  
And he had made his decision when he practically threw himself at his friend. A soft ‘oof’ escaping him when Remus made an impact with his body.

And Thomas looked on. Confusion was written all over his face as Logan simply smiled and nodded before silently sinking down.

“Why are you here?”

Deceit looked up at his host. Carefully peeling himself away from Remus. Letting the creative trait keep an arm wrapped around him for comfort and because he needed the support to stand upright.

“Why wasn’t I? Is the question that is most pressing here I think.”  
“Because… Because lying is wrong. You are wrong.”

Deceit gave a nod. Though felt his strength returning slightly as his host told the lie.

“I might be wrong. But I believe that the hassle my absence had caused is worse than whatever discomfort I might cause you.”  
Remus let out a wet chuckle. Squeezing Deceit’s arm for a moment. Trying to convince himself that this was real. That he was back.

“Now excuse me, but I believe I have some business to attend to. I suggest you talk about it with your precious ‘light sides’. I’m sure Roman, Logan and Virgil will enjoy hearing about the little deal you and Patton made behind their backs.

And with that, he and Remus sunk down. Leaving Thomas to stand alone in the middle of his living room.

-

Deceit was delighted to find that he had enough of his powers back to make both him and Remus sink down and pop up in their shared living room.

The livingroom that, for the past 8 months, had not seen a single broom or vacuum cleaner.

“What in the world happened here?”  
“Well. We thought you up and died, for starters.” Apathy said from his place on the couch. He sounded cool and uncaring. Though when he closed his book Deceit saw how his hands were trembling. Fingers gently running over the first page before it was put aside and he stood up.

“Can I-…? “ “No of course not. Come here you big sap.”

This hug was gentler. Apathy held onto him as if scared he might break. Deceit didn’t mention the tears he felt seeping into his dress-shirt. Didn’t mention the way he felt Apathy’s shoulders shake.

“…Dee?”

He looked up then. Making sure to not change his hold on the crying side in his arms as he did so.  
Wrath stood in the doorframe leading to the hallway. One hand by his side. The other gripping the doorknob so tight Deceit thought it might break.

“Hello, Wrath.”  
“I-… Where the fuck have you been?”

Deceit laughed at that. Taking one of his arms from Apathy’s back and extending it towards Wrath. A silent invite to join the hug.

Wrath stood frozen in the doorway for several seconds before very slowly releasing the doorknob from his death grip and walking over to the other two sides. Arms wrapping around the both of them before carefully tightening his grip.

“I’ll kill you for making us worry like that. Asshole.”  
“I know bud. I know.”

It only took a couple more seconds and Remus had joined them too. The four of them holding onto each other for several minutes. Having missed human contact. Having missed each other. Missed that essential link, the essential person that had kept them together.

There was still a link missing though.

“Say. Where is Dee?” “Depression… hasn’t come out of his room since you left. Been constantly crying too. I tried to help but well…You know how I get when you’re not around.”

Deceit patted Remus on the back before freeing himself of the hug and slowly making his way towards the hall. Towards that door that had remained close for such a long time now.

-

The knock echoed through his room. Startling him from where he had been staring at the wall for the last hour.

He got up then. Wrapping the cape around his shoulders a little tighter before walking towards the door and leaning against it.

“Depression? You in there buddy?”

He didn’t feel like he was there. Felt like he was still sitting on his bed. Or maybe floating in the sky a thousand miles away. Felt like he was anywhere except next to his door. Hearing the voice he’d longed to hear for so many months on the other side of it.

“Buddy it’s me. Come on, open up.”

Maybe Remus had finally lost his mind and was starting to imitate him. Maybe Wrath had turned cruel and was now mocking him for his own enjoyment. Maybe- “

“Come on DP. I wouldn’t lie to you. Just, please. Open the door.”

‘I wouldn’t lie to you.’

Depressions eyes grew wide as he felt himself reattach to his own body.

‘I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Suddenly very aware of his hand on the doorknob as he turned it to the left. Unlocking it before opening the door.

And slowly. Inch by inch. He opened the door to reveal-

He cried out suddenly. And Deceit was barely able to lift his head before he had two arms full of trembling, heavily sobbing Depression to comfort.

And, as he lifted a hand to comb through the sides hair soothingly, he knew they would be alright. The other three sitting beside him or leaning against his knees after they’d settled down on the couch. Wanting to be as close as possible after being completely without for so long.  
And as Thomas summoned the other four sides he knew it would be alright. Logan gave him an encouraging nod before he started explaining his troubles.

He knew it would be alright. Maybe not now. Maybe not for a long time. But eventually… Eventually, they would be whole again.


End file.
